God, why do I have to
be a person who yearns so much? How horrible. How perfectly horrible.
I can see now that it’s
the little things, the small efforts, that keep a relationship going. And I know
now that in some small measure I have the power to hurt him and also the power
to make it better. This discovery leaves me with an unsettling, queer sort of
feeling in my chest for reasons I can’t explain.
“What will I do now
that Peter’s not my boyfriend anymore?” I wonder out loud.
“You’ll just do what
you did before he was your boyfriend,” Alicia says. “You’ll go about your day,
and you will miss him at first, but over time it will ease. It will lessen.”
“All you need is time,
and you, little one, have all the time in the world.”
“I deserve better than
that, you know? I deserve….. I deserve to be someone’s number one girl.”
To feel so known, so
understood. It’s such a wonderful feeling, I could cry. It’s something I’ll
keep forever.
All this time I’ve been
making excuse for him. I’ve been trusting Peter and not trusting my own gut. Why
am I the one making all these concessions, pretending to be okay with something
I’m not actually okay with? Just to keep him?
“Here’s the thing. My
one piece of advice to you. You have to let yourself be fully present in every
moment. Just be awake for it, do you know what I mean? Go all in and wring
every last drop out of experience.”
Dear Lara Jean,
Well done.
Sany
asiiik haha unyu unyu gitu ya... kamu beli yg terbitan haru san?
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